Moving On

Last year I wrote this in a blog I wrote for a special person:

"His passing left me wounded, it maimed me. I thought I would never recover. I was in denial for a very long time. I was a broken soul. I tried so hard to breathe life to my existence. There were times when smiling became a chore and the most effortless thing to do was to cry until I feel numb and fall asleep and wish that Brandon would talk to me in my dreams and explain why he had to leave me. Crying was my tranquilizer. And sleep was my escape to reality. There were times when I would stare into nothingness and try so hard to just stay in oblivion. It was difficult, it was never easy. It was something I didn't learn in school. But that experience had taught me so much. It made me unbelievably strong. It crippled me but it became my crutch to continue to trod and face tomorrow no matter how uncertain it could be. The experience gave me hope that I can only be happy if I chose to."

-----I never thought that up until now, I would still cry for him. Still feel sad when I see something that reminds me of him. But if you ask me if I am already over him, I would say yes. It's just that he has been so much a part of my life that losing him is still a big blow.

I did some cleaning today since I could not go out because of the raging typhoon outside and I happen to see the cards from the flowers he had sent me. I reread each one. My tears were muffled by the heavy rains and the humming wind. It's been almost two years nd he still moves me.

I was also able to chat with his two other girlfriends, Rudelyn and Allison. They were both very nice to me and I believe that this is one of the good things that Brandon's passing has left me. I was able to get to know a few people I share the same feelings with. Rudelyn is already married and is a mom to her daughter. Allison is going to be engaged pretty soon. I, on the other hand, still am single, still hoping that in a sea of strangers and acquaintances, I would find that one person I am destined to be forever with, I would find someone that would sweep me off my feet again.