Chris: Brandon is in the hospital, he was in an accident this morning on his way to work.Kessa: Oh, that explains the reason why he hasn't returned my calls. OMG! Is he alright? Can I talk to him? How is he doing?Chris: Hmmmm, he can't talk right now.Kessa: Why, what happened?Chris: Do you have someone with you now?Kessa: No, I am alone. Please tell me what happened.Chris: I'm sorry to be the one telling you this but Brandon did not make it.Kessa: No. Please tell me you're joking. No, that couldn't happen!!! (wails)
I was in a state of denial. I pinched myself in disbelief. I was hoping I was only dreaming. Even then, I flinched and realized I did really have that conversation with Chris for real. I was inconsolable. It couldn't happen. Chris told me that he will keep in contact and keep me posted and he did. I am so thankful that he did.
Looking back at days gone by, I couldn't completely believe how I've pulled through after October last year. It was, in reckoning, still the darkest and saddest month of my life. It beats not having a pedicure in a month (well to think that I always make it a point to have my nails cleaned and groomed and buffed). Okay, not to let anyone raise some eyebrows, but yeah, seriously October 2006 was a month to remember. Brandon is sorely missed and I am the only one I guess in the world who could understand why I feel this way. His passing has been one of my life's ebbs and what happened beyond October was truly a result of an unexpected goodbye. -a blog entry in http://kessathea22.multiply.com
A lot has unfolded ever since that fateful month. A lot has changed. Secrets have surfaced, deceit even. But I do not have any single hatred. I have become friends with the other girls to say the least except for this one paranoid lady who still thinks that he is alive and that we should fight over him. I do not bear any grudge. It's the least I can do. Besides, he never let me feel that I wasn't the only one. I still see him as the mild-mannered individual who hates smoking big time whom I've learned to love.
I have moved on in so far as letting go is concerned. I have came in to terms to his passing. I have restarted my life. I have closed that chapter. And I know that he is happy with the choices I made. I know he is happy that I am extremely happy right now. The tears has dried up,it gets easier.
I'm sure as I continue to face each passing day without Brandon in my life, I know that he is smiling because I have found my courage again. He certainly doesn't want me to rot in one place, he wants me to continue where we left off. He wants me to achieve the things I work hard for. He wants my happiness always. -a snippet of a blog entry from http://missingbrandon.blogspot.com
RIP Brandon Spencer Koch (November 10, 1978-October 18, 2006)
, by KT Nielsen