Update From The Theater (Drama Queen Act 1)

I have been trying to battle with myself whether to write something about the weekend and these past few days' happenings or just leave them all just documented in pictures and not in my blog but ruled that maybe someone wants to know what I have been doing while he/she/they is/are away.

After my shift last Sunday, I went home, packed my bags and decided to go out of town and Jonah did the same thing. We went to the airport and changed plans and decided that we should just go to Joyce's house in Laguna. We called Joyce and although her sleep was abruptly disturbed, she agreed that we could come over. She said her cousins are coming over too. I slept the whole time we were traveling and when we reached Joyce's house me and Jonah slept some more while Joyce was busy preparing dinner and all that. We had dinner with her cousins and then after we decided to party over grilled fish and beer and some blaring music from the three iPods. We listened to tearjerkers, rock, alternative, jazz, R&B among others).

While we were drinking, I received a text from a friend asking me if I have checked the blog I share with KB lately and if I have seen the comments. I told her I don't have my laptop with me so she sent me a couple of sentences that made my blood rise to indefinite proportions. I stayed mum and quiet and proceeded to drink some more until the wee hours of the morning (Sorry Rudy if I wasn't able to reply to you after you sent the comments). I tried to forget about it and enjoy the conversations and attempted to drown my sorrows in the alcohol right in front of me. Of course, the people I was with that night didn't have a single clue of what's going on inside my head and in my heart. They were clueless, I wish I was heartless. We finished drinking a little after 4AM and I climbed up to Joyce's room to sleep.

Morning came and my legs were tattered with mosquito bites as I did not even manage to change into my sleepwear (I slept wearing my black knee length dress) and drunk and numb as I was never cared to hide in the covers. I had multiple wee red blotches all over my legs. When I woke up, I checked my messages and lo and behold the comments dawned on me again. I discussed the matter with Jonah and Joyce and the girls had their own comments to share. They were not happy about it. I wasn't happy about it. But after rationalizing everything, I came to a conclusion that I need to hear the other side of the coin before finally deciding and before I make any drastic life-changing conclusion. It's a pretty messed situation and the drama is something I have never prepared myself for.

After breakfast, we prepared to go swim. We went to this quaint hot spring resort/park/zoo. We spent the rest of the day swimming and taking pictures and discussing about the "issue" in between. We just couldn't get over it. I wonder if KB has checked the blog already and I wonder if he had something to say about it. The voice mails he left me never mentioned anything about it so I thought I will just leave it at that until he opens up about it.

I got home at almost 10PM and spent the night glued to my laptop. Talked to a few people I haven't talked to in a while. I talked to someone who is insisting to be a part of my life but I declined with the most positive script I could ever mutter. I have known him for almost 2 years already but I just couldn't make myself love him. I am in love with someone else who seems to "love" the rest of the world (according to the comments) and me. Well, I hope he doesn't get upset when he reads this. Because come hell or high water, I'm with him.

7:00AM Tuesday - ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

11:00AM Tuesday - I woke up after a couple of hours of sleep and went online again. I talked to "J" and he said sorry for the incident that happened last Sunday and how he dealt with an internet-strapped room and a driver that hurried him up like there's no tomorrow.

ACT 2 coming up...

Ten Ways To Get Inside His Head

Here's an interesting read written by Susan Walsh.

Many women make the mistake of thinking that if a guy finds them attractive, they are on the path to a relationship. Even though they understand that the path may be full of twists and turns, still they believe that attracting the male is the first step. It is not the first step. Attracting the male is the first step to hooking up. When a man finds you attractive, he wants to touch what he sees. That’s it. If the attraction is mutual, you may go for the hookup. Afterwards, what you’ve got is a notch on your bedpost, a hookup with a cute guy. You do not have the beginnings of a relationship.


So what is the first step to a relationship? The first step is getting inside his head. He needs to think about you. He needs to wonder about you. He needs to be intrigued, and he needs to feel an impulse or urge to connect with you. That can happen with or without a hookup, before or after.

1. Be complete.
One of the worst movie lines ever is in Jerry Maguire, when Tom Cruise tells Renee Zellweger, “You complete me.” Ew. I remember cringing at that. You do not need a guy to be complete. In fact, a guy cannot complete you. You must live your life right now, today, without a relationship. Live it the best you can. Be thankful for what you have. It’s okay to want a special relationship, but you don’t need it to be happy. You really don’t. If you think you need it, you won’t find it.

2. Display enormous self-confidence.
Your mantra: I am the desired object. This is so important that if you don’t believe it, you need to fake it ’til you make it. No one can think you are fabulous unless you do. It always starts with you. When you know your own worth, it shows. And it sells. You know that you would be an awesome girlfriend. You know that you could make a guy really happy. Don’t ever forget that you are a catch! You are not right for every guy. Some guys won’t be interested. Your job is to be your best, most confident self to attract the guy who might be. If you don’t believe that you are pure fabulousness, you need to address that. Take action. What do you hate about yourself? Improve it. Talk to someone. Do something. Just getting moving will make you feel stronger and better.

3. Be classy.
A 2008 Cosmopolitan survey showed that 67 percent of guys are most turned on by “the girl next door” look. The “sex bomb” look only appealed to 12 percent. Understand that you are beautiful in your natural state. Stop trying so hard to get the guys all hot and bothered. The only thing you’ll get out of that is a booty call. If you are lucky enough to have a great body, resist the temptation to display all of it at the same time. Focus on one asset at a time. Use makeup to enhance your looks, not give you the appearance of a heroin addict. I’m not telling you to go ahead and wear sweats; just be more subtle in your presentation. Guys like wholesome.

4. Have the right kind of expectations.
Expecting a guy to become your boyfriend is not strategic. Expecting a guy to like you a certain amount or display a certain kind of affection, is not effective. On the other hand, expecting a guy to do what he says he is going to do is good strategy. Expecting him to show you some respect; that’s good too. Guys don’t want you demanding love from them. But they will totally get it if you demand respect for your feelings, your body and your time.

5. If he hasn’t committed, you’re a free agent.
Guys are amazed when I tell them that back in the day, when we dated in the traditional sense, it was totally legit to go out with one guy on a Friday night and make out (or more) and then do the same thing with someone else on Saturday. We were dating; dating was shopping. And the guy might be shopping around too. Nowadays, guys want to hook up without commitment, but they think it’s really shady if a girl is hooking up with someone else the same weekend. You have every right to be choosy. So shop around and don’t take yourself off the market until a boy that you really like asks you to be his girlfriend.

6. Create a little mystery.
I always advise women to hold back 10 percent. Never give a guy 100 percent of yourself (even when you’re married!). In every relationship, there is a pursuer and a distancer. Don’t be the pursuer. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve. Guys worry about the emotional neediness of women (with good reason, let’s face it). Fight that. Keep your feelings to yourself, or share them with your girls for now. Eagerness is repellent. Whininess is repulsive. He doesn’t want you to cling. He wants to pursue you. He wants to wonder what you think. So let him.

7. Slow down.
The best relationships happen between soul mates. You cannot become soul mates through sex. Through pillow talk, maybe, but not through sex. You stand a much better chance of becoming really close to a guy if you allow plenty of time and space for friendship. That means not having sex too soon. Sex can make friendship complicated. It’s much harder to go from sex to friendship, than from friendship to sex. Take time to get to know him. Make him spend time getting to know you. Guys appreciate a slow win.

8. Don’t overreact.
Don’t go all gloom and doom the minute he takes a step back. In Mars and Venus on a Date, John Gray talks about how guys are like rubber bands. They withdraw for a bit, and then they return. If he needs some distance, give it to him. When he comes back, welcome him. Chill out. If he doesn’t text you for three days, just live your life. If he thinks you’re going to give him a really hard time when he does get back in touch, then guess what? He won’t get back in touch. Guys hate drama. There are only so many long talks a guy is willing to have. So save your allotment of heart-to-hearts for the really important stuff.

9. Don’t waste time.
Cultivate a reputation for being a woman who doesn’t waste precious time on fools. You are too good to get hung up on a boy who doesn’t like you. Every tear you cry for a jerk takes up valuable psychic energy and sets you back. If you are feeling crappy about some guy, you are not open to a new guy. You may think you are, but your emotional funk will be telegraphed to those around you in subtle ways. If things don’t go your way, go ahead and feel sorry for yourself for a day or two. Eat junk food, get wasted with the girls, whatever. Then pick yourself up and live your life.

10. Cultivate a positive attitude in the meantime.
Here’s where I get all The Secret on you. You can be strong and independent, you can take no prisoners, you can even be a hardass without sending out negative vibes. You are open and friendly, you just aren’t cheap. You expect good things to happen to you. A bad attitude is self-fulfilling; if you believe that no one will want you, then no one will want you. I guarantee it. If you believe that you deserve to be loved and are willing to wait for that special guy, then you will find him. You won’t find him sitting in your room, though. The more interactions you have in your day, the greater your chances of encountering someone new. Go out. Psych yourself up as often as you need to, but keep on getting out there. Don’t give up.

***Now, I think y'all don't need my thoughts on these. Susan, you hit it to the core and I am definitely a believer now.

Hiatus 101

Hello Everyone!

I am sorry for the short hiatus. I am sure it felt like forever to some of you but hey I am back to the world of blogging. I have actually resorted to writing in my journal all the deepest thoughts I have had. The journal contains a blow by blow account of what I am currently in right now. Not that I suddenly deviated from my tell-all-no-holds-barred kinda attitude but I am just being more cautious and I do not want to broadcast to the world the drama I am in. So, I do expect that y'all understand. When it is easier, I will try to share it to everyone piece by piece. But at this point, let me have my silence...

Happy Hearts Day To All

Happy hearts day today to everyone who reads my blog.

If you ask me what I did today, well, I slept the day off. Why? Oh, what do you do when the person you expect to be with today is out somewhere so far from you. What do you do when a kiss and a hug is not one of the possibilities for the day? What do you do when no matter how you want to be together, you both are being pulled away by the circumstances around you?

At any rate, despite how this day has become so commercial, I am hopeful that everyone enjoyed it.

Until next year...

This Sinking Feeling: A Deja Vu

Stress.

It has been a not-so-rare occurrence after learning that there is a feeling associated with it and that "this" certain feeling is homologous to the word akin to it. Stress is a physical or physiological stimulus that can produce mental or physiological reactions that oftentimes lead to some certain illnesses.

My stressors range from the mundane to the extraordinary. I'm stressed with many-a-little thing. I easily get annoyed with carelessness and nonchalantness. I oftentimes get perturbed with unaffected simplicity or absence of careful thought. Truth be told sometimes I create my own ghosts. I am so good at worrying over spilled milk. I show unabashed disgust to things that I really don't favor or situations that I don't want to be immersed into. I'm stressed when I'm piqued. Much more when I become irascible because of an uncalled for remark.

Waking up late or waking up too early (ahead of my set alarm) ticks me off. Waiting too long for a ride when I want to go somewhere, aside from being one of my pet peeves,makes me more waspish than "humanish". Hearing my name pronounced in such a weird way (Kayeza or Keesa, or Keyzaa, or whatever), irks me. Talking to a person I don't want to talk to even for just a minute or two (I'm left without a choice) exasperates me. Queuing in an ATM for more than 10 minutes annoys me (what more when the machine runs out of cash or when the machine refuse to spew your card out?). Dealing with bitches and self-righteous individuals embitters me.

See, I am oftentimes stressed in times of distress. Come to think of it, as mundane as it may seem or as trivial as it may appear, my stressors don't rank high in the stressors scale. But it's it. And I am and I feel. There might be something wrong. Maybe I am unhappy or maybe I am just plain and simple resentful. Maybe I am just full of hate right now or maybe I'm just disgruntled, disenchanted and disheartened. Maybe, yes, maybe. I am caught inside a tote-em-pole of my bizarre thoughts, my eccentricity, my oddity.

I am in distress right now and I am so overly stressed. Give me a break!

Lethargic

I am still in bed. Surprisingly, I have been awake for almost 4 hours already but I am still in my sleepwear and haven't gotten up to do anything. I feel so listless, so spiritless. I haven't even turn on the TV to watch anything. I am just listening to my playlist whilst looking at the ceiling, staring at the light. I slept at 2AM thus that makes it 12 hours in bed being lazy. And that also means I have been without food for almost 30 hours already. I just had a few bottles of vodka before bed and a glass of tea midsleep.

No, I am not sick anymore. I am all well. I just don't feel like I have enough energy to get up. It's easier this way. Be stolid. Be impassive. Then just cry when I feel like crying. But yeah I recommend this feeling to everyone. It's good to just indulge in being lazy and letting the body rest. It forces your mind to think. It forces your reason to battle with your choices. I think I have a problem. I just refuse to acknowledge it.

But really what I want to do right now is turn this laptop off, turn all my mobile phones off and lock myself into oblivion, in a place where I am alone and no one would dare let me feel this way.

Update From The Quarantine Room

I have been blogging here lately: http://poxprincess.blogspot.com/ so I apologize for not updating my main blog. I was told by KB that I am addicted to blogs. Haha! Anyway, I am writing this in the confines of my six-cornered room. I have been really moving in and out of this room in a limited basis as I do not want to infect my housemates. I have been acting really down and low especially when the lesions were out and about all over my body. My back has been a disaster but the sores are starting to disappear one by one. The uber expensive medicines I took paid off as my face didn't have too much damage so to speak.

On the other hand, we have already named the baby cockatiel as SELENE. Thanks to those who voted. She is growing well and has had a few vet visits already. KB is planning to bring her here when he come visit next month. She has also started throwing tantrums and has been running around KB's house in protest of him not being around as often as the baby wants him too. And yesterday, we had great news as KB has been promoted and he has filled out his leave paperworks already. We are just waiting for his passport to be released and then we can plan for the trip.

I think everything has been falling into place pretty well. I am recovering excellently. And KB is doing great being at home.

Until next time...