THE CHOCOLATE CHRONICLES
I have been on a yo-yo diet since I started being self-conscious. I started putting on weight after I move out of my parent's house and move here in Makati. I moved here to review for the CPA Licensure Examination right after college. I stuffed myself crazy with anything sweet I could reach for: brownies, chocolate bars, chocolate drinks, heck even chocolate-coated candies. Chocolate was my comfort food, chocolate kept me up in the wee hours of the morning perusing accounting review materials. Looking back, I thought I lived to eat then. I not only consumed tons of chocolate, I also didn't exercise and the only form of exercise known to me was climbing down the stairs of my dormitory and climbing up the stairs of the review school. I didn't realize I was setting myself up for the world of diabetes and obesity.
I was hired for my first job on September 2003 as a technical support representative in a call center. I didn't have the faintest idea what I have applied for except for the facts I have read in the careers page of the newspaper about the company. I got hired and I signed my very first employment contract. Up until now I could not believe I got hired for a technical job. I didn't even know how to assemble a computer from scratch back then. I was clueless. I studied debiting and crediting accounts, merging of companies and managing stocks not hardware and software and how the internet works much less deal with issues through the phone. I braved the training period and acquired as much learning as I can. I passed it, I aced it and in no time I was topping the charts. I got promoted as a supervisor after six months, right after I got regularized. To deal with the stress of the job, I enrolled in a fitness center. I was in the gym before and after my shift. I was full of energy, I liked seeing sweat trickle. I lost my chocolate-induced and zero-exercise body weight. Until I got a news that I will be moved to Cebu to help out start a line of business. I was ecstatic, I am starting to move up the company ladder. Downside: there was no Fitness First in Cebu back in May 2004 (it was still under construction).
THE BATTLE OF THE BULGE IN CEBU
Cebu is known to be a place of good food, great fun, awesome people. I fell in love with Cebu and I enjoyed my time while there. It was a welcome respite from the hustle and bustle that Makati had to offer. With the drastic change in lifestyle and shifting to a laid back daily grind, I saw myself being driven far away from getting active yet again. I slowly put on a few pounds easier than losing it all before. I couldn't care less. All I cared for was satiating my taste buds. I got addicted to the heavenly dimsum in Ding Qua Qua, melt-in-the-mouth baby back ribs in this quaint little restaurant, the uber-cheap chicken house near Cebu Doc not to mention the addiction to coffee frappes and lattes. I woke up one day and not any one of my dresses would fit me anymore. I had to change my entire wardrobe. It was heartbreaking. I lost my self-confidence, I lost the guy I was seeing.
After almost a year in Cebu, I moved to Tacurong City and worked in a bank. I only stayed there for a good five months and decided province-living is not my thing anymore. I was more accustomed to city-living already. I had changed to one who enjoys the dog-eat-dog world. I have grown to love the fast life and city lights.
BACK TO MANILA
I decided to go back to the call center industry late 2005. I was still battling the bulge. Though I've never really obsessed about my weight because it's been going up and down like a yo-yo for most of my adult life, I quite got used to it already, I started being self-conscious yet again. I felt repugnant about myself for wasting away. I felt I could have done better. I began yet another diet, didn't eat anything white. It was good for the first few months and it was effective, it worked. I started losing weight again. That was true until I suffered a depression stage (my then boyfriend died). I comforted myself with food. I refused to leave my room. I was stubborn like that. My mom and sister had to travel here to cheer me up and help me spring back to moving on. The before picture (The Turtle) was taken during one of our visits to Fort Santiago. It looked like I didn't have a neck for crying out loud. I was so stocky and bulges are obvious. I was in the obese world yet again. I didn't recognize the need to lose weight though, healing my heart and my soul was more important to me. I had episodes of drunken stupor and cigarette smoking, both became my ready escape to a much happier place. I was in denial for so long.
SPRING BACK TO LIFE
It took me many many months to finally stand up and tell myself that I have to change my ways, my lifestyle. If I won't push myself to accept the changes then I will forever be in a yo-yo of depression and happiness, chocolate-induced high and drunken slurs, starvation diet to binge eating and the list is endless. I needed my self-confidence back and I had to do something, I had to step up once and for all. I had to discover the NEW ME. What are the things I did in the process?
1. Started a fashion blog. - I have met a lot of fashion bloggers that became my virtual friends. Some of them I have met already and some I am going to meet in the future. They will forever be considered harbingers of change in my life. They have helped me find my artistic side and I am happy I rode the bandwagon with them.
2. Learned make-up tips and tricks. - I have started to be a lot more self-conscious and sharing my knack for make-up to family and friends have proved to be a good release of my artistic side.
3. Traveled to places I want. - I have traveled quite extensively this year. I would make sure to come to work all the time when I can so I can earn ample compensatory time-offs and vacation leaves from work. This was also brought about by saving my own money to finance such jet-setting adventures. I was able to have some much needed "me-time" and introspection. I had a talk with myself that helped me come to a focus and define my perspectives.
4. Started a fitness blog. - I created a
new blog dedicated to my new-found love: running and fitness. I have met new friends and I have organized a running club at work as well. Now, I am beginning to transform other people's lives as well.
5. Fell in love with running. - I am bent at making this a lifetime commitment.
6. Lost a few pounds. - Because of running and watching my diet, I have lost a few pounds and won the 14-Day Nestle Fitnesse Challenge.
7. Nixed cigarettes and alcohol. - I am clean and maintaining this healthy lifestyle is a part of my creed.
8. ACCEPTED THE NEW ME. - No one would be able to love myself if I don't love it myself. The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.
I still am far from my goal but I am seeing results. The NEW ME is more confident, more focused, more responsible. The NEW ME walks tall and has a spring in every step. The NEW ME will never be the old me again. I could say I have gained my confidence back and yeah I got my neck back so to speak. And there's no stopping now, the swan is going to brave the big city and conquer every hurdle.
